My reflection paper for Field Ed

The past nine weeks have left me exhausted. This was my third field education placement and my third year as staff at this camp – and yet I feel as though I was still unprepared for what waited for me this summer.
As program director and chaplain, not only am I an intern, but I am also a boss. I have a direct supervisor who has been at the camp for twenty years and is an ordained elder. I share responsibilities with two other senior staff and manage twelve counselors. These counselors are between the age of seventeen and twenty-three (which proves to also be a huge difference in maturity levels as well). I am responsible for reviewing their weekly schedules, disciplining their unruly campers, evaluating their performance as staff, and managing any other crises that may arise.
One of my counselors has abusive parents. Two are dealing with their parents’ complicated divorces. One has been in the care of his demanding aunt and uncle since he was taken from his parents ten years ago. Another nearly overdosed after a difficult break up about a year ago. Two counselors have started a relationship and are overly affectionate around campers. One decided to quit two days before our last day of camp. I have been with them twenty four hours a day, six days a week.
Along with the varied histories of my staff, each week brings different backgrounds and personalities among the children who attend camp. We’ve had a child whose father appeared uninvited, a child who had nightly bedwetting issues, several children in foster care, almost all of the children from broken families, the handful of kids who have unusual medical anomalies (such as the girl allergic to the outdoors or the boy with chronic nosebleeds), the adolescent who doled out death threats, and the countless children who suffer from homesickness. Each week brings new surprises.
I don’t mean to say that my entire summer has been a catastrophe. The truth is quite the opposite, and there have been moments where God’s presence has been powerfully overwhelming. I watched one of my counselors give a closing campfire message that brought me to tears: four years ago I was present at the closing campfire in which she committed her life to Christ. I connected with so many campers who just need someone to love. I’ve been humbled to take the broken body and blood of Christ from my broken counselors. I’ve been part of God’s obvious presence in ways I didn’t imagine God could appear. However, you cannot prepare for these moments – they don’t "get better" with practice.
I do struggle with being unprepared for the other issues. I struggle with how to give constructive criticism with a counselor who refuses to do her job. I struggle with how to pretend everything is okay when a camper’s grandmother died and she doesn’t know. I struggle with how to handle abusive parents telling me their daughter is terrible when she radiates Christ. I want to know when my education is going to kick in and give me the right words to say. I understand field ed is for developing these skills, but I feel like I’m not prepared for field ed.
I’m aware camp is an intensified immersion experience – working full time in the church did not bring this many issues over the course of two years – but I know similar issues will be part of my future. I just wonder if my theological education will contribute to the solutions I discover. I know I’m better able to lead worship, Bible study, and devotions from my education, but how am I to tell my counselors they risk their job without making them cry or lash out in anger? How do I gently tell a child it’s never okay to say “I hope God kills us all” without letting him think he’s off the hook for his behavior?
My question is this: How do I prepare for the practical part of ministry and why isn’t this a bigger part of divinity school? There is grace in wrestling with the answers but I feel like I’m not even getting an idea of what answers to avoid. As the summer comes to a close, I still don’t have an answer. I don’t want to disregard the importance of what I’ve learned in school thus far, but I feel like there is a huge gap I still have to navigate in dealing with issues of pain, frustration, anger, sorrow, and confusion.